My brain whirls with worries. There are times when I feel overwhelmed. My to do list extends beyond the page. I think about my Khaleh who is suffering, the paperwork not yet completed and the promises I made to the kids.
My husband tries to talk me down. My friend attempts to smooth my turbulence. I call my father or my Ameh or my mother, who usually try to center me by saying, zendegi hamineh.
This is life, they say.
Or, they send me spiraling further because after all, I come from a long line of anxious worriers.
I exercise, and force myself to drink a glass of water. Sometimes, I tell myself to take big, deep breaths.
Still, I am mentally exhausted.
But I have learned there’s one thing I can do to calm me. It’s the one thing that reminds me of my smallness in comparison to the vastness of the world. It’s the one move I know will alleviate any paranoia or self-centeredness, that will confirm that the planet will go round and round despite my over-thinking. It reminds me of life’s cyclical nature. The only constant is change.
“Let’s go to the park,” I say to the kids.
I have learned to look up.
Slice of Life, Day 6
With a nod to the book that suggested looking up: From the Corner of the Oval by Beck-Dorey Stein
Your brain will be grateful for some time at the park, looking up and focusing on the kids and being there. And it’s hard to be from a long line of worriers. I’ve got that too.
I think my favorite slices are the ones that don’t tell you everything, but make you curious. There are things unsaid that lead to the depth of pieces, and I love those sorts of posts.
Looking up is good. It is a journey. Now having a 19 and 21 year-old, I will tell you to take it one day at at time, a career is a very long thing, and it will all be ok. One day at a time …
Nawal, thank you for the book nod. I definitely want to look up that title. Glad you got to spend some time with your littles in the park. Blue skies, sunlight, and the sound of children’s laughter lifts the heaviness we often carry. When you wrote that you come from a long line of anxious worriers, I thought of Sarah Kay’s poem, If I Should Have a Daughter, where she writes, "Baby, I’ll tell her, remember your mama is a worrier, and your papa is a warrior." If you’ve never heard it, it may bring you joy.
https://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter/transcript?language=en
I’m a worry-spiraler too, and nature is also my go-to way to stop my anxiety! I love the picture and how it fits with your post, and also that it includes your kids because they can be a good way to focus on the present moment and stop the worries too! This reminds me of a post I wrote years ago about seeing the sky when I was in a very anxious state. I’ll include it here because I think you’ll enjoy the simliarities: https://ihabloespanglish.blogspot.com/2015/02/seeing-sky.html
I loved the rhythm of your post, as the change between longer stretches of text and shorter lines seemed to mimic whirling thoughts vs. stopping to slow down!
Yes, yes, yes! I am a full-moon gazer, sunrise/sunset watcher, lover of stars shining over an ocean’s horizon (I haven’t seen that view in quite awhile, unfortunately). I may have to steal my own comment as a Slice starter, giving a nod to your post!